"Bobby, this is God."
"Hello, God. If you're here about the widow Campbell and me last night, I can explain." I said.
"No, no that wasn't one of your dumbass ideas. It was mine. I sent you over there to give her what she'd been praying for. I'm upset with the two following articles I read in the Heavenly Beacon today. What could we do about correcting these things?"
WASHINGTON – Consumer prices shot up in July at twice the expected rate, pushed higher by surging energy and food costs. The latest surge left inflation running at the fastest pace in 17 years.
WASHINGTON – The value of existing U.S. single-family homes in metro areas fell 7.6 percent in the second quarter compared with the same period in 2007 with homes in the West tumbling 17.4 percent, the National Association of Realtors said on Thursday.
When I didn't say anything, God yelled, "Well…I haven't got all day, asshole."
"I don't know, how about another flood or something like the bubonic plague, God?"
"No, I don't like repeating myself," said God
"Well, God, as you know better than anyone, I'm not God, but if I were, I'd up the temperature on Earth twelve degrees over the next six years and let these ungrateful pricks on this planet slowly melt. And then I'd start over and correct the mistakes you made the first time around, shithead. That's the best I can do on the spur of the moment."
"Not bad, not bad at all, Bobby. I just might do that. Shithead is it? Here's some advice for you Bobby, get some rest. I just arranged for the widow Campbell to come over this afternoon. As you know better than anyone, I'm not Bobby Miller, but if I were, I'd keep the widow Campbell well satisfied. She's a decedent of Mary Ann Cotton."
